poem

Oh My God!
He exists!

Bodh Gaya: Long Life Prayer Gathering

(photo from http://www.kagyuoffice.org/) Caption: His Holiness Dalai Lama, His Holiness Sakya Trinzen and His Holiness Gyalwang Karmapa and eminent leaders of all the main lineages of Tibet gathered in Bodhgaya to offer prayers for peace in the world. On January 25th, the assembled religious leaders made prayers


Mahabodhi Temple
OH MY GOODNESS!
I have never seen so many Buddhist temples, monks, nuns, other worshippers, and things Buddha-related in such a small area.! It would take days just to visit all the temples here, and it's interesting to see Buddhism expressed in so many different cultures --there are Thai, Taiwanese, several Tibetan, Indian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Burmese, Bhutanese, Cambodian temples, not to mention the big temple, Maha Bodhi, which is Sri Lankan. I've really only gotten a chance to look around breifly, and in my alternately exhausted and excited states, I have only fragmented impressions of this place. The energy is so alive. You can't even stop too much, because there are people walking steadily everywhere, doing recitations.

And despite rumor, His Holiness the Dalai Lama arrived today, though who knows? No one really knows when he really arrives until he appears though. Security and all. I had really not understood when I set out for here what exactly this event is. It's a ceremony in which all the high lamas from around the world (and anyone else) have been called to join in prayer for long life for His Holiness. Everyone's getting prepared. Excitement is all.

Our company of 4 turned into 7 last night, when the elder nun in our group recognised a relative of hers, a young Tibetan who's been living in Spain for some years. He, his friend (who's from Nepal but will be coming to Berkeley to settle), and his uncle ( I believe) decided to travel with us, and so we had a lively party for our pilgrimage, which had us waiting for our train at Mughalsarai at 3:30 am. It's occurred to me just how fun travel in general, bur particularly Indian train rides, can be when you're in a group. You stress less because others are there to watch you back and your stuff and help you figure things out. And as typical of Asians, you pool your resoures together (e.g., berths) and make your trip very cozy indeed. One of my other favorite rides was the one-hour trip to Palghat with Deepak, Shobhana, Nyima and Kyizom. It was so relaxing and playful, which is obvious from the wonderful portraits.

Anyway, Bodh Gaya is gray and cold, with rain here and there. Makes me moody, but the brisk air is sobering. Looking forward to visiting a bunch of temples tomorrow and the prayer gathering,, as well as just walking around, getting lost in my personal prayers, walking off some of my baggage.

Pilgrimages

Back in north India, and it couldn't be clearer. The cold is having me layer up again, two shirts, sweaters, shawls and other cold-weather accessories. At least I change much less (not sweating buckets anymore). Two days ago, I was sippin pineapple juice. Today, I found myself am sharing a meal of butter tea, chapati, "chopsey" (supposedly Chinese food), and mutton with other Bodh Gaya pilgrims(well, mutton was only for me and the other layperson in our group, a Tibetan elder from Canada).

So chances again twist things lightly, and so goes my adventure: on the long train ride to Patna, I was talking to my bunkmates, a young professional from Bhopal who had been in Chennai for 6 months, and two older guys who were doing engineering work on the electronic voting machines in Bihar. The discussion turned towards how horrible Bihar is and that they're just going there for work. They weren't worried, because they were going to get picked up by their company. Since I was to arrive during the day, it shouldn't be too much of a problem, but state elections were going to happen soon, and tensions were high.

I glimpsed a young nun going back and forth between the our car and the next and asked if she was going to Bodh Gaya. Yes, but through Varanassi, not Patna. (doh!). Anyway, after some time, the elder from Canada approached me and invited me to join them -- to disembark early, at Mughalsarai, which was close to Varanassi, and to head with them to Gaya the following day. Yes, I found the party I was hoping for. My bunkmates were really sweet -- and it seems to be this way in India, that they care enough to help you out with these little things -- they all chimed in that it was the best route to go.

Thus, I am today, in Saranath, the little woodsy suburb of Varanassi where the Lord Buddha gave his talk on the Eightfold path (hence the birthplace of Buddhism). Visited a few sites today. Tonight, we head for Gaya and onward.

Route Map (back to the north)

See those looooong green lines? I'll never complain about driving 7 hours to LA again! Thank goodness for AC train cars!

Long Way's Journey in through Chennai

(Ok, cheezy literary reference for those of you who can appreciate it. Actually, I'm not really a fan of Eugene O'Neil anymore. He's too damn depressing). Well, it's been a long journey inward the whole time, in any case.

Indeed, I have been slowly making the journey back, so you'll not have to worry about losing me to India for another year, as so often happens with the backpackers who come soul-searching here. Anyway, my flight's scheduled for Feb. 3, so I'm still here and am still doing what I need to. But I've been mentally preparing to wrap up my trip and come back to the bay-- I notice myself thinking more and more about the bay and all of you dear ones shivering in the miserable fog and rain.... haha, just teasing.

To tell the truth, I think my body's actually craving that fog and rain, not to mention the comforts of home. My system's much confused, which is partly why, I think I've been so sick. Of course, a lot of it is also adjustment. One must learn, down here in the south (and I've mostly been in the tropical humid areas) that you do most of your stuff during the early mornings and evenings after the sun goes down. And that you take several showers during the day, and take daytime naps. Little things I forget (silly me, even after my experiences in southeast Asia). In any case, my system has also been feeling worn from being on the road so much and being pushed sylvia-style into a lot of (sometimes unncessary) discomfort. More to learn about self. Context is everything -- I can do as Indians do to some extent, I can do as other tourists do to some extent (which is hard to judge, because there are so many different modes of travel and hence, opinions . But ultimately, it has to be about what Sylvia must do, given her state of things.

Hence, I decided to splurge on an 2-tier A/C ticket for this long-ass train ride back up north. And going the stretch last night, from Coimbatore to Chennai (formerly Madras), I'm really glad I did. It was cool, calm, the toilets actually had little hanger-thingies and holes for the water from the flush tap to drain (my first sleeper train ride, which was a sleeper, had toilets that were partially flooded, making relieving yourself not quite something to look forward to)... it makes you think, why don't they just do those things for all the cars? But then, I've been learning a lot not to ask why and just accept it for what it is. Anyway, I was most ecstatic about the curtains, man! Oh, what a difference that little bit of privacy makes!

Anyway, as the way things turned out, I am here in Chennai on my way up to Bodh Gaya via Patna. My little dream of a week in Hampi (where the Vijayanagra ruins are) just couldn't happen this time around, as I want to be in Bodh Gaya for the Dalai Lama's prayer gathering on the 25th. I pray to Quanyin that I will make it through Bihar safely.

Chennai is actually pretty calm for a metropolis (I see what you mean, DG). I think it's because of the huge beach, where I went out this morning. Things are very obviously not as usual, though people are getting on with things. There were people doing morning exercizes, etc. I think one thing that struck me was how huge the beach is. It took me about 15 minutes going at a steady, leisurely pace to walk from the road out to the water. (Forgive me, but I'm REALLY bad with distances). The entire beach was still somewhat wet, and littered with clusters of broken boats and fishing nets. After all, the water had swallowed the whole beach area plus the road. What a visceral experience, to actually be here.

Ettimadai

(image courtesy ajai, aka pilgrimhawk)
This is the place I've been holing up in for most of my stay in south India, since Deepak & Shobhana's home is sometimes too comfortable to leave. Ha, don't worry Guptaji, I'll leave eventually! Maybe even Wednesday, in fact, back to Bangalore for a night and then back to north India, towards Bodh Gaya.

Surprises, what life brings. My south India experience has been less about "sites-seeing" as it has been about reflections, metaphors, insights. My long conversations with DG and Ajai have been so powerful. They'll be with me for years, I'm sure.

Epiphanies

(photo of the yakshi sculpture at Malapuzha Dam, Palghat, Kerala, courtesy Ajai)

I am back at Amrita trying to rest & process the events of the past week or so, so if I haven't been posting or writing, it's because it's been too much to digest, much less convey in a coherent way. Thanks to Ajai and David, I have some images online that I can post (and sometimes, I just love leaving it at the image). Having a film camera, my trip images just aren't ready to share.

Anyway, the past week, with my foray into Kerala and getting lost in the world of Amma (I'll explain) at Amritapuri has brought up a lot of epiphanies, some of which I'll share, some of which you'll just have to take my word for.

On the Road in Kerala

Been out of the matrix for a little bit, due to very little and not so fast internet access.

Now, I'll attempt to fill you in on the surface facts (sorry I can't make it too interesting, my more thoughtful writing will come later): on Wednesday I left Kochi, deciding that I'd gotten pretty much what I wanted from it, not being much interestedin exploring colonial architecture. The Fort Cochin area has a small, breezy seaside town feel and pace, and I have to admit, it was nice for a moment to have some tourist comforts (very necessary, I'm learning, when you're on the road long-term).

Took a backwater tour through the village of Vaikam. Ah, it was nice to travel by water in a small boat! We made our way through small canals at a pace I didn't think was possible on a "tour". The village, like a lot of the small villages in the area, has only 1 trade -- in coconuts. And if you saw the density of these lush coconut groves in Kerala, you'd understand why. Keralans call the trees kalpa vrishka, "gift tree," as in God's gift, since every part of the tree can be used, from the trunk to the huge, boat-sized palm leaves, to fruit. And that's what the folks in villages like Viakam do. We were given some insights into the communist workings of the trade, with certain folks being appointed the task of harvesting coconuts, which then get given to a "society" and materials being redistributed for others to make rope with the fiber, extract the oil, etc. It was amazing to see how every part was indeed used.

Onward, I took a government bus (2 hours to go 38 km, ouch!) to Alleppy to hop on the backwater cruise to Kollam. Not much to say about Alleppy except that it wasn't a place I'd stay for longer than a night.

What happened next, though, was unexpected. One of the stops on the 8 hour backwater cruise down towards Kollam (and the journey was indeed the destination, as Kollam was also not a point of huge interest for me) was Amritapuri, the main and original ashram of Mata Amritanandamayi (Amma), one of India's few female gurus, the patron saint of Amrita University, where Deepak and Shobhana teach, as well as a host of institutions. It's hard to really sum her up, but suffice to say, she's a prominent spiritual figure who has a huge following in India and the west. In Kerala, actually, she seems to be the main source of aid for tsunami relief. (I had overheard some political talk from some western followers, saying that the state government wasn't doing enough for the survivors).

Anyway, the ashram is a world in and of itself, and I ended up staying there for 3 days. Much to say about it, but I'll leave it at that for now and post my observations as I'm able to digest all the happenings.

chillin in kerala

I find myself in Kochin today, after being lucky enough to hop on a ride with an American family from NYC who were going that way. Yay, the universe watches out for me!

Driving in an a/c van for the first time in a while, and moreover, through the same kinda smallish streets, dirt roads, past lush green rice paddies and palm trees, was a little surreal. You always expect to feel the warm, humid air on your face, and the occasional breeze refreshing you immensely, in such environments. Since I've been in India, I've mainly been going around by auto-rickshaws and trains, occasionally doing the hectic bus-hopping thing, all modes of transportation that give me a ticket to a more authentic Indian experience. But anyway, it was nice to sail through to my next destination without having to wait for trains for once. Backpacker experiences, I feel can be anything you want them to be. And today, this came my way.

Kochi is a strange kind of place, with its colonial European presence, prevalance of Kathakali dance, and its spice-trade history. That on top of Kerala's interesting culture -- a communist state, a high literacy rate (a lot of brainy people here), the predominance of Christianity and Islam here. Then there are those wickedly delicious banana chips ; p But whatever its strangeness, I was sooooo happy to see the water. (Crossing over the bridge from Ernakulem to Fort Kochin, I was reminded of the Bay). I hadn't seen the ocean for a month and half! I splurged on a delicious fish mole dinner (a Keralan dish cooked with coconut sauce) just to celebrate.

I think tomorrow definitely warrants a good trip to the beach.

Dance classes!

Ha ha.

I was pointed in the direction of the little village of Cherithurithi, just outside Thrichur, to visit Kalamandalam, a school of traditional Indian, performing arts, especially of Indian origin (http://www.kalamandalam.com/). I stopped in on a few classes today, just observed as these kids trained in dance and percussion, including Kathakali.

Was definitely worth the visit and the train ride.

Speaking of which, the train rides down here in the south are so nice. The tropical weather and lush green landscapes make a difference -- you don't care about getting seat or watching your belongings so closely, everyone's just chill, and all you want to do is stand by the door and stare out at the world in motion. The destination is indeed the journey.

Reflections of US

Time has slowed down big time for me, here at on the Amrita campus, which is set in a lush valley under gaze of the 8 mountains (hence the name of the place, Ettimadai), including a mighty sleeping elephant. But it's still a campus, and I'm not studying.

So I've been roaming and rambling and following my footsteps wandering/wondering what the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts are supposed to mean. When we first learned that song way back in kindergarten, I was always puzzled by the pronoun 'her'. Funny, only thinking about it now do I realize that I never finished that thought process to understand it was meant to be Motherland. Huh?

Point of my ramblings is that I've been reflecting some more on US and this concept of Motherland. It comes up a lot, because one of the most commonly asked questions here when it's obvious you're not from around is, "where's your country?" uh... i dunno WHERE it is, frankly, but I'm from the US. The locals are usually surprised, they assume I'm Japanese or Korean. A few may guess Chinese. They usually follow it up, affectionately, with "Where were you from before that?" or "What is your motherland?" I appreciate that they ask because right now, I'm in a place of embracing my Asianness, where some years back, I would have been defensive. I can't use the ethnic studies approach of "I'm Chinese-Vietnamese American." But the exercize of spelling everything out has been educational for me, and leads me to tell stories. I'm living in America, have been since I was 6. I was born inVietnam, as were my parents, and what is that jade pendant of Guanyin doing around my neck? Yes, my grandparents are from China. No, I speak mostly English, am trying to improve my Vietnamese, wish I could speak better Chinese. I conclude, for the most part, I'm culturally American. But my heart is Asian.

One night I had a bizarre dream in which there were several camps, each repesented by nation. And a few characters were wondering where my loyalties were and I didn't know. The "naturalization" test to become US citizen demands much more trivia about US government than the average natural-born American would know. But that still doesn't mean I have affection for the nation necessarily. I do for my community, the lovely bay area, Cali. Then again, does anyone really KNOW what it means to be part of the (United?) States? I remember one thesis that Maxine Hong Kingston had brought up in her film (forget the name) was that Americans are always lost and always wandering. William Carlos Williams also explores this in In the American Grain. But, really, I don't mean for this to become an essay too much, just reflections.

Hmmmm... The point of this is that one of the many reasons I had for coming here was to leave the US and get a perspective. A lot of you who talked to me probably remember all my anger & bitterness before I left. It's only natural, I think, when you're conscious and (big emphais) you get overstimulated. Cynicism is like scratching a mosquito bite (the metaphor comes to mind because I've been getting a lot of those); the abrasiveness of our reaction is good immediate relief, yet does little to solve the problem in the long run. This I needed some space to see. Plus, I've needed some space to stop reacting. Also, this confusion about loyalties is only a natural part of the process for an Asian woman who grew up in the west and goes back to Asia. My trip to Vietnam 3 years ago was a catalyst for this process, but as I was telling Ajai, a kindred roaming spirit, yesterday during a very interesting conversation about growing up bi-cultural, the questioning and anguish does continue. Despite my enthusiasm to embrace Asia, there are times when I am humbled by the realization of just how western I am.

But I do have to say that it's wonderful to be here for the simple fact of being in Asia. Somtiems, I get so tired of imagining. Plus, it's nice to just be, instead of always having an identity complex. (I don't mean this in a critcal way, because of course it's natural for bi-cultural children to have complexes. And we come up with such creative ways to get by). Anway, I feel every Asian who's grown up in the west should come to Asia. It's just a very easy, light-hearted tonic for the anger, frustration, alienation that comes with our experience. And of course this goes for anyone who's feeling torn between homelands, even slightly.

I read in The Hindu today, is that India is allowing dual citizenship for all overseas who are of Indian origin. That's great, I thought. It's so expressive of a desire to open up. And that 's one way of keeping loyalties, keeping a connection to the motherland, and perserving the culture to an extent. It's exactly the opposite of the US's modus operandi at the moment, what with deporting the very people who bring culture to a land already plagued with a cultural barrenness and cursed soil, having not reconciled or even apologized for the genocide of the Native Americans and the enslavement of Africans, for one thing. I don't mean to say that white Americans don't have a culture -- indeed, they did. What I'm point at is the detrimental attitude that everyone ought to immediately throw out their culture when they get to the US and don the ambiguous, ambivalent identity of "American." Didn't European immigrants earlier, change their names to more rounded ones, prohibit their children from speaking Greek, Russian, Polish, what have you, dress them in clothes that were more new world? That is the sad barrenness that I'm talking about.

Was listening to some Lila Downs the other night. And the chorus from her cover of "This Land is Your Land, This Land is My Land" ask again and again, "When did you come to America?" To me it points to this question of nationality in terms of immigration. Why do we get so adamant about keeping people out when we all have come here/gone there (some willingly, some not) and have brought something to the table? See, I want to end by saying that I'm not being anti-American or America-bashing, but to see what role we can play in the world and what kinds of positive potentials we have (rather than the destructive ones). We need to ask, in addition to "when", "why did you come to America?" It would be useful to ask ourselves. As much as my loyalties are torn, I see that one of the beautiful things in the US is the variety of experiences that come there, and the creative ways we've come up with to respond to angst. Isn't an attitude of acceptance and inclusivess, and a role as a fertile ground for lots of seeds of cultures, histories, thoughts, the best way to start undoing the immensely bad karma reaped there?

Again, just some reflections.

route map

Comments etc.

OK, I'm slowly perfecting this blog. Supposedly you can now make comments without creating an account and all that jazz.

I'm not ready to update too much more, but I'll just say that I've been a week here at Amrita so far, and it's been a very peaceful and intense experience. Both peaceful and intense? Yes, as with a lot of things in India, the coexistence of peace and disturbance (which was actually Deepak's observation of the place) is possible. Have much to tell, but I am off to sleep now, and within a day or two, off to Kerala.

(hopefully I'll at some point be able to post pictures and a map so you can see the points of travel. working on it!)

New Year

Ah, so much to write about the new year, and so much about 2004 to reflect upon. I was inspired by a great inventory and resolutions Diana sent me today. I think I'll work on my own inventory. Clarity helps so much.

Thanks and blessings that I'm in such a nurturing place to reflect and cultivate good energies for the new year. Been spending time with Deepak and Shobhana, my very lovely, sweet friends down here in Tamil Nadu. I arrived at Ettimadai /Amrita University the morning of new year's eve, and have been in a funk of adjustment since. The earthquake/tsunami disaster reality is still slowly sinking in, mixed in the overall context of life's lessons, and travel.

We spent new year's eve at the campus temple in a solemn, soulful ceremony, because we cannot party when so many are in tears, as was put by the Swami who lead the ceremony. We said good-bye to 2004, and its its sad, strange energy (US elections, the tsunami disaster capping it off in a powerfully ominous way) and welcomed 2005 in beautifully sung prayers, accompanied by music.

I have limited time, so I'll just say that for now, hopefully to pick it up later. I'm glad to see that folks back in the US are doing their part, taking action, being informed about relief efforts. Looks like there are a few orgs that are doing their part, like moveon.org. I've gotten quite a different perspective on these events (the tragedy, the new year, the state of the world) being here in Asia that I would love to share in time, because I think the spiritual is definitely missing from the information you're getting there. Will have to continue this reflection later.

There's much to reflect on, much to learn and process at the pace of life, and so please expect that I can't be as thorough online as I'd like to be. Plus, one of my goals this year is to try not to intellectualize as much, (for it's my tendency, like a dominant muscle I use for every problem, but shouldn't be the only muscle I use). Not to say that I won't be brainy still. But I would like to gain some clarity of mind and peace of mind through meditation and living life in the present as it is. Thus, off I go!

For now, much peace, strength, and especially love to you out there.