AHHHHH! Only 2 more days before I'm on the plane again headed back to the US of A. This strange reality dawns on me more and more. But it feels right.
Meanwhile, I've been enjoying the tail end of my trip in India in Dharamsala. Crazy, a bit, to take a 11-hour train and then another 3-4 hours bus ride just to be up in the mountains for 5 days. But it has been perfect. We cancers, we like to make circles, and I felt I really needed to touch base and wrap up some things here before I left.
My decision was a right one. Up here in the mountains right now, where the weather is damn cold and the people are amazingly warm, and there's not much to do but reflect, you do face a lot. Everything has been coming together just right, even if in completely unexpected ways. That's been one of the miracles of life's ways, something I feel so blessed to have felt here in India.
I got here all dizzy and tired, as every time, on Saturday afternoon (the bus took like 4 hours to go 90 km!), and was greeted with a slightly changed Dharamsala. Snow was piled up everywhere. The shopkeepers had all shoveled piles to sides the previous few days, as Dharamsala saw the most snow it had in 13 years. A lot of the Tibetan folks were so happy, they said it reminded them of Tibet. I saw this one elder sculpting a stupa (a place to meditate or pray) out of snow, and children were rolling around in it. Auspicious, perhaps? H.H. The Dalai Lama (who's in residence here -- weee! It always makes everyone happy when he's here!) has said that 2005 / year of the wood cock, or wood bird in the Tibetan astrology, while not a good year for the world, will have some good things for Tibet. So maybe it is indeed a good sign. A much needed one, I think. I've been touched more and more by the various points of view I've been hearing from Tibetans. The precariousness of their political situation makes it all the clearer how important the long life prayer ceremony in Bodh Gaya was. Since then, a lot of Tibetans & Buddhists have been reciting mantras that basically say, "please stay with us longer." Indeed, may His Holiness be with us more, we need prophets/saints/spiritual leaders like him and Mata Amrita so much in these times.
Anyway, The people here have been so sweet. I wasn't here two hours before my friends Rocky, Bilal, and their new shop apprentice, a youngster named Munir, welcomed me back, helped me look around for a hotel, and invited me to dinner. Just their smiles, the happiness to see me, that was so visible, warmed my heart. The next day, I went to pay a visit to Nyima, who lives here in Dharamsala, but whom I had first met at Deepak and Shobhana's place down in Ettimadai. I missed her at her house at first, which was fine, because I ended up having conversations with some nuns at the nunnery next door. It still amazes me, 2 1/2 months later, how wonderful it is that people really try to communicate and reach out and get to know you, even when you don't speak each other's language. Nyima and I met on the street only about an hour later. I really like her energy. She's such a wonderful, sweet, girl, so kind, loving, solid, present. She prepared some blankets, a thermos and tea-fixings, and socks to help me stay warm and be comfortable. Bless her.
I had expected to spend some time seeing familiar faces and touching base here, but I had not expected to really make peace and prepare for the journey back in the way I have the past few days. This morning, I had the most unexpected blessing -- to accompany Nyima to see Lama Kirti Tsenshab Rinpoche, a high lama, and a very kind, reverent being. I received blessing from him and was able to ask questions. Wow. My question, which came out unexpectedly clear (it must have been brewing in my mind for some time, then), was to prepare me to go back to the States and the life I had left behind. How do I go back to a place that has so much stimulus for anger, righteousness, judgement, defensiveness, reaction (by this place, I mean not the US per se, but this place in my mind, being in the US at this time)? How can I go back, after having experienced the deep spirituality of India, the deep sense of love and nurturance, respect for life, the deep peace & deep disturbance, the complexity and chaos of so many worlds coexisting the way they do, the magic of the unexpected unfolding before you, the clear feeling that the universe is indeed looking out for you, giving you a good kick in the butt, touching you in the tenderest parts of your heart, guiding you, reminding you that you are human and that no matter what demons you have, not matter what pace you go at, no matter how limited your ability to get it, that you deserve the chance to better your existence and free yourself of suffering?
Of course, I did not ask all these questions. These have been in my mind and are mainly spelled out so you know what place I was in when I asked. The answer, too, was unexpected, and so simple that that I was really hit by its obviousness or, I should say, truth. But then, so much in the Dhamma is obvious and at the same time inacessible until we slowly begin to enlighten ourselves. But what a blessing it is when you have the accessibility to gurus, who are so removed from human ways, who are capable of things that really make the strictly scientific question. I was asking myself today, "wow, what did I do to deserve this experience, or that one, or so many of the blessings I've received while on this trip? I have been so lucky!" And the truth, which has nothing to do with ego, is that I don't deserve it more or less than anyone else. But I do deserve it, as all living beings deserve to be happy. And having opened myself up to these miracles, they are there.
Happy Year of the Wood Cock / Wood Bird everyone! Looking forward to greeting folks back home!
